Missouri: The Show-Me State Where the Only Thing More Unpredictable Than the Weather is the Sense of Humor
Ah,
Missouri! The Show-Me State! A land of rolling hills, barbecue that could make a grown man cry, and a sense of humor that is as dry as the state’s famous Ozark Mountain air. If you’ve never been to Missouri, let me assure you: it’s a state that has more quirks than a cat video on the Internet. From the moment you cross the state line, you’re invited to a whimsical journey of weirdness, wit, and perhaps a little wisdom (or at least wisdom-ish).
Missouri: Where the Corn is Taller Than Your Average Ex
Let’s start with something everyone knows about Missouri: corn.
Lots and lots of corn. In fact, if you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to be a kernel in a cornfield, just take a road trip through the Show-Me State and brace yourself for a corn maze so big it could be classified as its own zip code.
Corn in Missouri isn’t just a crop; it’s a way of life.
The locals claim that the corn is so tall it could be mistaken for a corn version of the Eiffel Tower. Just avoid getting lost in it, or you might end up in an alternate dimension where everyone talks in exaggerated Midwestern accents.
The BBQ Capital of the World (or at Least the County)
Now,
don’t even get me started on Missouri barbecue. If you think you’ve had good barbecue, you haven’t tasted it until you’ve visited Kansas City, where the barbecue is so legendary that even vegetarians have been known to contemplate a brisket. Locals will tell you that the secret ingredient is love, but let’s be real: it’s probably just a combination of smoke, spices, and an unhealthy obsession with meat.
In Missouri,
you’ll find BBQ joints that are as diverse as the people who frequent them. You’ve got your classic rib shacks, your upscale BBQ bistros, and even a few places that serve BBQ-flavored ice cream (no, I’m not kidding). Just beware of the BBQ sauce—once it’s on your shirt, it’s there for life.
The Weather: Four Seasons in One Hour
Ah,
the weather in Missouri. Calling it unpredictable is like calling a tornado “a little windy.” You could wake up to a sunny day, only to find yourself caught in a downpour an hour later. One minute you’re soaking up the sun, and the next you’re searching for an ark to save you from the impending flood.
Missouri is like that friend who can’t decide what to wear and ends up with a parka and flip-flops.
The locals have learned to embrace the chaos. “If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes,” they’ll say, as they check the forecast for a snowstorm in July.
The Ozarks: A Place for Nature Lovers and Sasquatch Enthusiasts
The Ozark Mountains are like nature’s amusement park—except the roller coasters are made of trees and rocks,
and the only rides are the ones where you might accidentally stumble upon a hidden cave (and maybe a Sasquatch).
If you’re an outdoor enthusiast,
the Ozarks are a paradise. Hiking, fishing, and camping opportunities abound, but so do the chances of encountering a bear who’s just as curious about you as you are about him.
In these woods,
you might even find a Sasquatch, or at least someone dressed like one for a Facebook photo. Missourians will tell you that the Ozarks are home to many legends and tales, including those of mysterious creatures lurking in the shadows. So when you hear a rustling in the bushes, just remember: it could be a bear or it could be a cryptid trying to steal your sandwich.
The Cities: Where Midwestern Charm Meets Urban Buzz
Missouri is home to vibrant cities that have more personality than a reality TV star.
Let’s start with St.
Louis—the Gateway to the West! Famous for its arch that is so tall it could give giraffes a complex, St. Louis has a thriving arts scene, delicious gooey butter cake, and a zoo that is free (yes, free!).
St.
Louis is also where you’ll find the delightfully bizarre tradition of “going to the Hill” for Italian food. The Hill is a neighborhood known for its Italian heritage, where the food is so good it could inspire a spontaneous opera performance from your taste buds. Just be prepared to overeat because you’ll be served enough pasta to feed a small army.
Then we have Kansas City,
which is often confused with Kansas (don’t worry, it confuses us too). Known for its jazz, fountains, and barbecue, Kansas City is like that friend who can do it all. You can enjoy a night out listening to smooth jazz while sipping on cocktails, or you can grab a plate of ribs and engage in a competitive eating contest. Just be sure to wear stretchy pants; you’re going to need them.
Festivals: Celebrating Everything from Corn to Cows
Missouri loves a good festival,
and they celebrate everything from corn to cows to things that are entirely made up. Seriously, if you can think of it, there’s probably a festival for it.
The Missouri State Fair is a shining example of this.
Here, you can see livestock competitions, eat fried food on a stick, and enjoy live entertainment that’s both entertaining and slightly confusing.
If you’re a fan of all things corn,
you’ll want to check out the World’s Largest Corn Maze Festival, where you can get lost in a maze that is so large it has its own GPS coordinates. Just don’t forget to bring snacks, because you might be in there for a while, and we all know that a hungry person in a maze is a dangerous thing.
Quirky Attractions: Because Why Not?
Missouri is home to some of the quirkiest attractions you’ll ever come across.
Take the City Museum in St.
Louis, for instance. It’s like a playground for adults—if adults were allowed to climb on giant sculptures and explore a labyrinth of tunnels. It’s an artistic wonderland where you can slide down a giant slide, crawl through a cave, and feel like a kid again (but with more back pain).
Then there’s the World’s Largest Rocking Chair,
located in Fanning, Missouri. This rocking chair is 56 feet tall and can comfortably seat a small village. It’s a perfect photo opportunity, especially if you want to impress your friends with your ability to rock out in style.
Famous Missourians: The Good, The Bad, and The Quirky
Missouri has produced some famous individuals who have made their mark on the world.
Mark Twain,
the legendary author known for his wit and humor, hailed from Hannibal, Missouri. He’s probably rolling in his grave at the thought of all the corn mazes, but we like to think he’d appreciate the BBQ.
Another notable Missourian is Maya Angelou,
who brought immense wisdom and grace to the world. She once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” If only she could’ve tasted Missouri BBQ—she might never have forgotten that!
And let’s not forget the notorious individuals,
like the infamous Jesse James, who was born in Missouri and made a name for himself as a legendary outlaw. He’s the kind of person who would definitely have a “Do Not Disturb” sign on his door, but you’d still want to invite him to your BBQ because he’d bring the best stories (and maybe a little trouble).
Conclusion: Why You Should Visit Missouri (and Bring Your Sense of Humor)
Missouri is a state that embodies the spirit of fun,
laughter, and a little bit of craziness. Whether you’re here for the BBQ, the festivals, or the chance to get lost in a cornfield, you’re bound to have a good time.
So pack your bags,
grab your stretchy pants, and get ready for an adventure where the only thing you’ll regret is not bringing enough napkins for all that BBQ sauce.
Remember,
Missouri is the Show-Me State, and while they may be showing you their cornfields and BBQ pits, they’re also showing you a good time. So come on down, and let Missouri show you what it means to have a little fun in the heartland!
