Colorado: Where the Mountains Are High, and the Jokes Are Higher
Welcome to Colorado,
the land where the mountains are as high as your hopes for a three-day weekend, and the air is so thin that even your thoughts have trouble breathing. If you’ve ever wanted to experience a state that can boast of both breathtaking natural beauty and a culture that embraces the absurd, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s a guide to Colorado that’s packed with quirky facts, absurd anecdotes, and enough humor to keep you chuckling through your next hike.
Rocky Mountain Highs and Lows
First things first: let’s talk about the Rocky Mountains.
These majestic giants are the crème de la crème of Colorado. They’re so towering that if they had Twitter accounts, they’d probably spend all day tweeting about how they’re still “peaking.” With 58 peaks over 14,000 feet, Colorado is home to more high points than a teenager trying to convince their parents to let them sleep in.
But don't worry if you're not a mountain climber! Just standing at the base and looking up is like staring at your friend who just got a new haircut—awkwardly admiring from a distance while wondering if you should compliment them or just go for the “Looks great!” line.
The Mile High City: Denver
Welcome to Denver,
the Mile High City! So named because it’s literally a mile above sea level—just high enough that you might get a little woozy if you try to jog up a flight of stairs. Denver is a city that prides itself on being the epicenter of everything cool and trendy. It’s like the hipster cousin of your family that always shows up to Thanksgiving with a new tattoo and a vegan casserole that nobody asked for.
The city is known for its craft breweries,
which are scattered like confetti at a parade. Here, you can find a beer for every occasion: a fruity IPA for your picnic, a rich stout for your existential crisis, or a sour ale for when you just need to embrace the chaos of life. Don’t worry; if you can’t find a beer that suits your taste, just wait five minutes—there will be a new brewery opening right around the corner.
The Art of Being Artsy
The art scene in Colorado is as vibrant as a tie-dye shirt worn at a music festival.
Denver boasts a thriving art district known as the “River North Art District,” or RiNo for short. This hip neighborhood is filled with colorful murals, art galleries, and street performers who might just convince you to reconsider your life choices. You’ll see everything from abstract paintings to sculptures made from recycled bottle caps, and if you’re not careful, you might find yourself buying a piece of art that you have absolutely no idea how to explain to your friends.
And speaking of explanations,
have you ever tried to describe a modern art piece? “Well, you see, it’s a canvas that’s just a blank white space… which really speaks to the emptiness of consumerism.” You’ll leave the gallery feeling like a pretentious art critic, even if you’re just there to take selfies.
Nature’s Playground: Outdoor Activities
If you’re the outdoorsy type (or just someone who likes to pretend they are),
Colorado is your playground. With over 300 days of sunshine a year, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to hike, bike, and ski your way into oblivion. Just remember to hydrate! The altitude can sneak up on you faster than your dog can steal your sandwich when you’re not looking.
For hikers,
the options are endless. You can take an easy stroll through the flatlands or challenge yourself with a 14er. (That’s a mountain over 14,000 feet, not a new dance move, though I wouldn’t put it past someone to try.) Just be prepared to meet fellow hikers who will happily share their life stories and Instagram accounts while you both gasp for air at the summit.
And let’s not forget about skiing.
Colorado has some of the best ski resorts in the country. Whether you’re a seasoned pro or someone who thinks a “black diamond” is just a fancy way to describe a really expensive piece of jewelry, the slopes are calling your name. Just make sure you remember the difference between “pizza” (the snowplow position) and “french fries” (the parallel ski position). You’ll thank me later when you’re not face planting into a snowbank.
Quirky Festivals and Events
If you thought Colorado was just about the mountains,
think again! The state is home to a variety of quirky festivals that celebrate everything from beer to llamas. Yes, you read that right—llamas. The Colorado Llama Festival is a thing, and it’s as delightful as it sounds. Picture this: a bunch of llamas prancing around while humans compete in llama-themed games. It’s the kind of event that makes you question how you’ve spent your weekends thus far.
Then there’s the Great American Beer Festival,
where you can sample thousands of craft beers from around the country. It’s like a buffet for your taste buds, except instead of food, you’re consuming liquid happiness. Just remember, moderation is key, or you might end up explaining to your friends why you thought it was a good idea to try “every IPA in the house.”
And let’s not forget about the Colorado State Fair,
where you can indulge in deep-fried everything. Seriously, if it can be deep-fried, it will be at the state fair. Don’t miss the chance to taste a deep-fried Twinkie, corn dog, and funnel cake—all in one day. It’s a culinary adventure that will make your heart sing and your arteries weep.
The Legalization of Fun: A New Kind of High
In 2012,
Colorado became the first state to legalize recreational marijuana, turning it into a tourist attraction all its own. Now, you can partake in a little herbal relaxation while enjoying the stunning scenery. Just be prepared for the inevitable question when you tell someone you’re visiting Colorado: “So, have you tried it yet?”
The marijuana culture in Colorado is as diverse as the people themselves.
You’ll find dispensaries that cater to all sorts of tastes, from the casual user to the connoisseur who can tell you the exact percentage of THC in their strain. And if you’re feeling adventurous, there are even marijuana-infused dining experiences, where you can enjoy a gourmet meal that will leave you feeling both satisfied and slightly giggly.
Conclusion: Colorado—Where Adventure Awaits
In conclusion,
Colorado is a state that has it all: stunning landscapes, quirky festivals, delicious food, and a culture that embraces the absurd. Whether you’re a mountain climber, a craft beer enthusiast, or someone who just wants to eat a deep-fried Twinkie at the state fair, you’ll find something to love in this vibrant state.
So pack your bags,
grab your favorite pair of hiking boots, and get ready to embrace the high life in Colorado. Just remember to take a deep breath, drink plenty of water, and maybe, just maybe, avoid challenging a bear to a dance-off. Because in Colorado, the only thing higher than the mountains is the laughter you’ll share along the way.
